Oh well, whacky bureaucrats keeping their eyes straight ahead and not rocking the boat.

In 2008 alone the guy collected $200,000 in salary and benefits along with first class airfares and stays at five star hotels.

He almost never went to work. At one point he didn't show up at his office for eighteen months.

On a personal note – now that Mr. Beale's job is open I'll be applying for it, he was the highest paid individual at the EPA. So I would appreciate a recommendation from you if I ask.

So this guy rarely showed up at the office with the excuse that he was running around on secret missions for the CIA, all the while collecting paychecks from the EPA. And it never occurred to his then boss Gina McCarthy, now head of the EPA, to suggest that if he was working for the CIA and not showing up at the EPA maybe he should… you know, try getting by on his CIA salary.

His lawyer says there's something wrong with him and he's seeing a shrink. Seems there's a few other people at the EPA who have something wrong with them.

The shrink says he's compelled to engage in risky behavior. It would seem that it wasn't all that risky for quite some time.

Your tax dollars at work.

Special effects have come a long way and now when that Alien starts exploding peoples' faces, instead of suspending disbelief, you have to keep telling yourself it's only a movie.
And instead of traveling at whatever speed a bullet travels at, we're zipping around the cosmos at the speed of light…FAST.

Oddly enough, one thing hasn't changed in all the futures that have been offered up to us over the years…flashlights. The future hasn't changed flashlight technology one iota in all this time. Maybe that's because flashlight technology hasn't changed in reality either. Sure you can summon up some kind of flashlight app on the smart phone that you use to take pictures, make movies and watch television. But the flashlight app is still, really, the same old flashlight.

Why are space guys that can travel at the speed of light using flashlights purchased at Wal-Mart in 2013?

Perhaps even worse are the contemporary crime dramas in which the good guys enter a pitch black room and, instead of doing what you and I have been doing ever since we could reach the light switch… TURNING IT ON …they whip out the tiniest flashlights in the world, the ones that produce about the same illumination as a single match.

Those flashlights might be perfect for freezing a mouse in its tracks, but to me, are a little underpowered for finding that huge homicidal maniac with the idling chainsaw (that they can't hear) lurking in the shadows.

Mostly I guess we were better off with those prop kerosene lanterns that, when lit, would illuminate an entire soundstage.

I want one of them when the power goes out.

Yahweh continued, "Right from the get-go I had this guy pegged as an Obama style pinko and then those crazy bastards at the Vatican give him the "big promotion" and now this!"

Insiders report that Jehovah got an urgent call from the German city of Limburg's Bishop Franz-Peter Tebartz van Elst, known as "Bishop Bling."

Earlier this year the Pope had relieved Bling of his duties over the building, with church funds, of a 31 million € (euro) complex in the medieval city, that included a 2.9 million € residence for himself which held a 15,000 € bathtub.

Pope Francis has incurred the wrath of the rich and powerful since his election, with his humility, devotion to the poor and contempt for ostentation and wealth.

Vatican observers feel that with this appearance of God, the pontiff has taken ticking off the powerful about as far as possible.

God continued, "How come this new guy fired my bro Franz-Peter…we're supposed to have nice places?"

At that point a small boy dressed in goalie gear pointed out that 31 million € was 60,117,370,000 lire.

Upon hearing this revelation God roared, "Are you kidding? That's messed up… my bad, NEVER MIND!" in a voice so thundering that it cracked the ice in the rink and sent staff scrambling for Zambonis.

As the hockey stick began to fade it was heard muttering something about, "still not getting the euro thing."

I feel bad for the people tracking me. My life bores me, I can't imagine the ennui it must inspire in an observer. If it would help I'd just give them some kind of schedule and they could have a little more free time, get a little excitement in their lives. If a lot of people did that it might save the government some money. I understand there are money issues.

It could be a quid pro quo sort of thing. If we just go ahead and tell them where we're going to be, maybe when we can't find our car in that huge parking lot there'd be a number we could call and someone would tell us where the hell it is.

Or where we left our keys…they're not on the table in the hall!

As usual, when the government does something they know people aren't going to like they say it's for our own good, that they're protecting us.

Congress should create a government agency in charge of protecting us from the government.

The current head of the NSA is General Keith B. Alexander. He's stepping down in the spring, but maybe if everyone in the world writes him a letter with their schedules, from now to then he'll feel appreciated, or at least be too busy reading them to cause too much trouble.

We've come to associate the term drones with those spaceship looking things that we use to vaporize terrorists in the Middle East. People have a somewhat negative opinion of drones because, apparently while vaporizing terrorists, we are also vaporizing a few of their neighbors…our bad.

But the term drone can really mean a number of different things. Technically I guess those remote control model airplanes that have been around for years are drones. The fact that people haven't been equipping them with guided missiles has kept their reputation fairly benign. Well…that's behind us now.

The drones that would be delivering your Amazon packages are helicopters. That technology is pretty advanced and is currently being used for all kinds of things, a lot of which involve video cameras. Hollywood uses them for spectacular effects shots and TV use them to cover sports and concerts and such.

Your neighbor can use one to get a load of the wife trying on that Victoria's Secret stuff the other drone delivered.

We might as well get used to drones, you can't keep cool technology like that down. The best thing would be to start building a fleet of your own. Equip them with everything from video cameras to flame throwers…you never know.