“Pac-Man is righteous,” said a video game historian known only as Thumb. “When he came along it was all like Pong and Space Invaders, man. Pong. Dude, that’s like something you’d see on the wall of a cave.”

A source close to Pac-Man said the little gobbler had not been in contact with the game’s four ghostly monsters, Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde, in many years.

“There was a falling out over distribution rights back in the ‘90s,” the friend said. “Plus, Pac-Man always thought they were a little creepy.”

There were rumors that Pac-Man would appear on one of television’s many has-been “celebrity” shows, or maybe get fired on the air by Donald Trump.

“That’s not the P-Man’s scene,” the friend said. “He’s a little bummed about the Big 3-0 but it’s not like he’s Ozzy Osbourne.”

“They’ve gone too far this time. It’s just election year jealousy. They should stay out of the White House doghouse.”

Bubba later said that the White House does not have an actual doghouse.

“You get the idea,” he whimpered. “Bo bunks where he wants.”

Goldwater sniffed that First Lady Barbara Bush’s dog, a Springer Spaniel named Millie, published a best-selling book while running around West Wing and that Bo had yet to even sign a book contract.

“President George W. Bush’s dog, Barney, made a video when he was in the White House,” Goldwater barked. “Just sayin’.”

“Bo will not be responding to some inside-the-Beltway Republican ankle-biter,” Bubba told reporters. “It’s beneath the dignity of the office.”

Hedgefund agreed that the state of the Euro, for example, has no more to do with the stock market than volcanoes, Supreme Court appointments, or recalls of stinky lettuce.

“Please,” he said. “There’s a reason the number jumps around like the LA Lakers. It’s just that nobody knows what the reason is.

“Think of a rundown casino out on the edge of the gambling strip in Winnemucca, Nevada. Got the picture? Voila! New York Stock Exchange.”

Investment bankers at Crankypants, Swindle & Bigbonus said the swings and roundabouts of the market were based on sound economic principles.

“In an era of market volatility, we focus on value investing and the P/E ratio, assessing risk management and market capitalization,’ said Chief Embezzlement Officer Todd Crankypants. “Get it?”

Sources say that Vanity Fair, a big fat magazine with many pictures of Hollywood stars in abbreviated clothing, got $2,900 for a two-week internship. And Esquire magazine, which this veteran reporter remembers reading back when the Russians were scary, got $1000 for a week.

So we’re in. Jump-start your newspaper career and hit up Mom and Dad for the swag. Bidding for the two-week internship starts at $100, U.S.

And there are extras for the highest bidder: A treasured Tattler T-shirt from the famous “Christmas in July” party in ‘92. A vintage Tattler coffee cup with no lipstick smears from the society reporter. The chance to cover a Sewer Commission hearing so boring that you’ll wish you were never born.

And - best of all - an introductory lunch with yours truly at Roz’s for a taste of her incomparable urban cuisine (limit $7).

“This year we’ve got Bollywood represented for you Indian film buffs and there’s always at least one artist who lives in lower Manhattan and goes by just one name,” said Ropeline. “So that’s pretty exciting.”

The Time roster of folks we’re already pretty tired of hearing about comes during the annual spring ritual of list producing by the media.

In recent days, Internet prowlers have learned about the 10 worst U.S. cities, the 10 most livable cities, the 10 deadliest volcanoes and the 10 ooziest oil spills.

Up next: 10 best NASCAR mullets, 10 worst Lindsey Lohan movies, 10 best Wall Street alibis and the 10 scariest automobile recalls.

“This much we know,” said Ropeline. “All these lists, except for maybe the real estate ones, will have Oprah on them somewhere.”