We caught up with Ms. Bowlton in the trendy club, “Children With No Role models” on Ocean Drive in Miami’s South Beach neighborhood. She went on, “we’re committed to the cause. We’ve already established “occupy” sites here in SOBE and Aspen and plan on occupying St. Bart’s, Honolulu and Necker Island as soon as our reservations are confirmed.”

The ramshackle tent cities that were emblematic of the summer’s “occupy” movement won’t be evident in this winter’s incarnation. “Why would we want to live in tents when there are all these lovely hotels?” Ms. Bowlton gushed. “Why would people eat out of disgusting dumpsters when there are all those five-star restaurants?”

The shiny new face of the “occupy” movement has some diehard Tea Party members reflecting, “Maybe these people aren’t scum after all. Who knows, they might not need food stamps.”

In back-to-back press releases, jeweler to the stars, Harry Winston, has announced the creation of a new line of “Occupy” jewelry in which the word is spelled out in diamonds and gold on necklaces, bracelets and earrings. The Toyota Motor Company has announced that its Lexus division will unveil the new, 30 foot long, “Occupy” SUV in September 2012.

At Aspen’s exclusive, “Caribou Club” a mink and jewel encrusted Brooke Mueller was overheard commenting, “I think this “occupy” thing is going to catch on! I'm thinking about “occupying” Rio later in the winter.”

Fear not, “Occupy” is alive and well and in good hands.

Tattler: Exactly. I/we would like to ask you about the rumors having to do with your non-candidacy for the upcoming presidential election.
Belfry: I’m here to assure you that the rumors are absolutely true; I’m definitely not running. Only a lunatic or a moron would want to run for President in 2012! I think the current field of candidates will bear out that statement.

Tattler: I can quote you on that?
Belfry: You bet. You’d have better luck getting Chris Christie to give up pork rinds than getting me to run. Look at Newt, in this campaign he’s died and been resurrected so many times they’re giving him his own zombie reality show where he’s going to eat poor children with no role models.

Tattler: But the prevailing wisdom is that only an outsider can win the White House away from President Obama.
Belfry: Nonetheless, if elected I will not serve. If nominated I will not run and… I know there’s another one…. You media people think this is easy. I’ll ask Rick, he’ll remember.

At that point Senator Belfry got into the back seat of his car and screamed, “Someone’s stolen my steering wheel!” As aids pulled him from the vehicle he bellowed, “You might mention that contributions sent to The Committee To Not Elect Batsen D. Belfry will be gratefully accepted. Remember, I have what it takes to take what you have.”

Senator Belfry was then led back into The Treetops Lounge to do some Christmas shopping.

Theories regarding responsibility for the committee’s utter and dismal failure abound, one long time Washington pundit simply stated, “The Republicans are terrified of offending the brain-dead Tea Party faction of their party, while Democrats are terrified of the sun rising in the east and setting in the west.”

Later in the week, during a meeting of the House Natural Resources Committee, Alaska Rep. Don Young, known for having the lowest attendance record among House members, and has claimed that the Gulf oil spill was, “not an environmental disaster” decided to go one on one with Rice University Professor, Douglas Brinkley, author of ”The Quiet World: Saving Alaska’s Wilderness Kingdom 1879-1960.”

Rep. Young managed to make himself look like a midget trying on Kobe Bryant’s uniform by calling Dr. Brinkley’s testimony garbage, forgetting his name and suggesting that Brinkley should answer to any name Young chose to call him. Prof. Brinkley pointed out that Young worked for the American people who pay his salary.

In response, Young chugged a quart of Quaker State Motor Oil and screamed that he’d poke as many holes in his state as I wanted.

Asked how the leader of the free world was going to spend the remaining days, Mr. Obama declared, “The 99% are taking care of themselves, they’re pretty much ready, willing and able, it’s the 1% I have to worry about. Even though it’s their greed that’s generally regarded as the root source of our current misery, it’s my job to point out to them that they won’t have to anguish over deciding which of their half dozen or so homes to spend time in next summer, Aspen, St. Barts, London, L.A…

Not to mention that there’ll be no more fretting over the skyrocketing price of jet fuel. And listen; just try to find a decent Maserati mechanic. Not just any grease monkey can deal with fine Italian machinery. No, they should be as upbeat about the whole thing as everyone else, except of course, the part about them going to H – E – double hockey sticks. But look, they won’t have to pack any winter clothes. And the 99% is awfully excited about waving goodbye to them on their way down!

When asked about his take on the end of the world, Speaker of the House John Boehner, in a rare moment of bi-partisanship confided, “I think it’s just what the doctor ordered!”

While mainstream Hollywood is well known for its willingness to risk enormous amounts of money on esoteric art projects, “Overdue” seems to be in a class by itself.
Directed by Steven Spielberg with a screenplay by William Peter Blatty of “Exorcist” fame, from a book by funnyman Edgar Allen Poe, “Overdue” is touted by the studio to be, “not quite as hilarious as “Saving Private Ryan,” but pretty darn funny.”

In the film Mickey Rourke plays a meek librarian consumed by existential angst over books that are not returned on time. Angelina Jolie plays a lonely spinster who is addicted to the written word, yet, a very, very slow reader. Rourke’s character begins to stalk Jolie’s character and highjinks ensue.

Daily Variety editor George Zells described the Rourke character as the most egregious case of miscasting since Nicholas Cage played an MIT astrophysics professor in “Knowing,” or Keanu Reeves baffling turn as a heart surgeon in “Something’s Got To Give.”

When confronted with the notion that Angelina Jolie was somewhat of a stretch as a lonely spinster, Viacom big shot Sumner Redstone barked that, “If John Wayne can play Genghis Kahn in “The Conqueror,” and Colin Farrell can bleach his hair and play Alexander the Great, Angelina can do dumpy.

When run to ground by reporters at The Polo Lounge and asked his opinion of the project, legendary director Martin Scorsese commented, “Those guys have guts, they got moxie. But what gives? Where are the zombies? Where are the teenage vampires?”