It has been reported that the late night talk shows, Jon Stewart’s, “The Daily Show” and “Saturday Night Live” have all greatly reduced their writing staffs and that talk giants Leno and Letterman are planning long sabbaticals, possible until the 2012 elections are over. “The trend is for comedy shows to simply rerun the Republican Presidential debates at random. People seem to never tire of just watching and laughing.” Some out of work writers have claimed that as long as the Republicans keep having debates, jobs will continue to be lost.

A few Guild members are said to be picking up work as speechwriters for the very candidates who are putting them out of business. “It’s pretty stomach turning,” commented a former SNL scribe who asked not to be named. “And the worst part is that just when you think you’ve come up with some pretty good material for them, they open their mouths and come out with something far dumber than you could ever have dreamed up. I don’t know how they do it.”

On the bright side, Herman Cain and Rick Perry have both been nominated for the Guild’s prestigious “Most Promising New Comedian” award while the Guild’s, “Dick Cheney Evil Genius Award” has been suspended due to the lack of candidates.

Media cynics are suggesting that the whole wedding was just a bit of “money grubbing,” as the buxom brunette had some free time between other occasions of money grubbing.
The entire family has closed ranks around the grief stricken soon to be ex Mrs. Humphries. “Kim didn’t make a dime off the wedding,” moaned the soon to be ex mother in law of Mr. Humphries. Critics noted if that were the case it would be the first thing Kim Kardashian hasn’t made money on in a very long time.

At home in L.A. former Olympic great and Kardashian stepfather Bruce Jenner has announced that to deal with his grief over the split he’s going to have the skin on his face “stretched as tight as a tympani… again.”

For years now the Madoff family has kept silent about the scandal on the advice of counsel, but now daughter-in-law Stephanie has written a book called "The end of Normal". Counsel is thinking that blabbing would be okay so the Madoffs can make some dough to pay said counsel.

In her POST article Susannah Cahalan described the Madoffs as being the “most hated family in America since the Mansons.” Envious reporters accused Cahalan of “gross understatement,” and “sugar-coating it.”

Appearing on a number of national news programs to pimp the tome, the Madoff clan tried to play the sympathy card to an American public who can’t begin to imagine what the word “normal” means to a family like the Madoffs. And furthermore could give a rat's patootie that "normal" has ended for them.

Nonetheless the book is expected to sell a pile and the family is said to be pretty happy about the prospect of being rich again.

In a report issued by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), Director Dr. Pinchard Head referred to a just completed study, conducted jointly by the University of California - Berkeley, Columbia University, and Windham College, that concluded that anyone actually wanting to run for president of the United States in 2012 would have to be psychologically unfit to hold the office. Each of the last 387 GOP presidential debates was cited as indisputable evidence of the total mental instability of the candidates.

When it was suggested that President Obama would fall into this category, Dr. Head explained that the study felt that things had not gone really great in the last three years and that the President’s run for re-election was more of an effort to stay employed in a funky economy than anything else. “What would he do next?” Dr. Head queried.

A number of White House insiders who asked not to be named, confided that President Obama, after his final term, looked forward to finally doing something honorable and productive, “like building Habitat For Humanity houses with Jimmy Carter.” Others felt that he might volunteer in the field of education. “Perhaps go to Texas and help former President Bush learn those pesky multiplication tables.”

The Tattler has concluded that in good conscience, in the upcoming 2012 elections, it can only endorse people who are not running for office.

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For a test run, the rest of the candidates donned their “regular people” cloths, smeared themselves with garbage and went on a field trip to Wall St. to try to blend in with the “Occupy” movement. “We were told all the people down here stank. It was terrible. No one would come near us. People kept pushing us away and then the police pepper sprayed us. I’m never going to be a person again.” Rep. Michele Bachman lamented. The remaining candidates echoed Ms. Bachman’s sentiments.

In other “Occupy” news, a Denver law firm has trademarked the “Occupy Denver” slogan and threatened to sue the occupiers for copyright infringement. Other firms in other cities are expected to follow suit.

Candidate Herman Cain has indicated that we can expect to see pop-up “Godfathers Pizza” franchises at “Occupy” locations across the country. “To feed all those hungry protesters at a reasonable price. We’ll show those twerps why we’re the 1%.”

Former Speaker, Newt Gingrich is planning a book tour of “Occupy” sites with wife Callista, who is launching a new line of concrete based hair care products. “Just to make a little financial hay as long as these damn fools are all in the same place at the same time,” Gingrich chortled.

The most recent poll among Republicans shows non-candidate Rudolf Giuliani as the most favored among potential voters, with the non-living Ronald Regan coming in a close second.